Oh You're Sooo Twisted
by trulyamused
Summary: An older story. The crew of Voyager indulge in some fun and games.


Disclaimer: The 'Rock' rules the franchise. But this is my little chunk.

For Bobbi, who needed a chuckle but then couldn't get the image out of her mind for two days afterwards.

_Star Trek: Voyager_

** 'Oh, you're sooo twisted'**

Trulyamused

February 1998

(PG-13)

"Though, our minds may be twisted;

never so our hearts--"

"Chakotay, I'm not so sure about this."

"I know, but maybe it will be fun."

"If this was Tom Paris' idea, we may be lucky if we just survive."

The first officer of Voyager chuckled softly as he pictured Paris' predicament, if this little venture turned into a bomb. Oh well, at least the waste manifolds will be clean.

"Yeah, but it should be interesting in the meantime. Besides, this was Doctor's orders, remember--"

Captain Kathryn Janeway rolled her eyes at that last comment. It had taken a high-handed edict from one very bossy hologram to get _**Voyager's **_extremely stubborn captain to admit, she needed some down time. She had agreed, only when the entire senior staff, aside from Tuvok, were included. If SHE was going to have suffer the pains of recreation, so were the others.

"Don't remind me, I'm still considering having B'Elanna reprogram him," Kathryn muttered only to groan inwardly as they arrived before the doors to the Holodeck. "Um, I think, I forget something on bridge."

Chakotay took her firmly but gently by the arm, "Come'on Kathryn, it's to late to back out, now." Then he drew her through the doors.

Six hours later, Harry Kim limped into sickbay assisted by Neelix, who then left immediately.

"What happened?" The EMH demanded as he run a tricorder over the ensign's injury.

"I, uh, got a little tangled up with the Captain and Seven," Kim answered hesitantly.

"Hmmm, a strained Adducter longus muscle and pulled hamstring in the right leg, along with a bruised shoulder." The Doctor reported as he repaired the damage. "Just what's going on down there?"

"Just following your orders, Doc," Kim said as he hopped down off the bio-bed several minutes later. "Just following orders--"

An hour after Kim's visit, Tom Paris came in groaning.

"What's the matter with you?" The Doctor asked unceremoniously as he pointed to a biobed and picked up his tricorder.

"I think, I did something to my back," Paris replied meekly as he tried to straighten.

"Hmmm--" The EMH droned as he finished scanning, "Compression of the 10th and 11th lumbar vertebrae, a bruised kidney AND a sprained wrist."

"It must have been a interesting date with Ms. Torres."

"Actually, I was trying to get over Chakotay and I slipped on the Captain's tunic. Fell flat on my back."

"Really--" The Doctor drawled fixed the damage.

"Um, yeah, I'd better get going."

The EMH watched the Helmsman's retreat with a high-arched eyebrow.

A half hour later, he couldn't stand it anymore. The EMH decided, he HAD to find out what was going on. Stalking out of Sickbay, he headed for the Holodeck. Surely what he was seeing, was not a result of his ordering the senior staff to have some down time. He had intended for them to relax, play games . . . talk even. Not have a knockdown drag out whatever. Maybe, he should--

The Doctor's thought was interrupted as the Holodeck doors opened on a scene, he couldn't have begun to imagine. Four crewmembers were tangled together in seemingly impossible positions on a grid of multi-colored lighted disks. The Hologram was even more shocked to see the captain was among the four on the grid, along with Chakotay, Paris and B'Elanna Torres. Seven of Nine and Harry Kim sat on the sidelines with Neelix, who was spinning an indicator attached to a PADD and calling out the result.

"Right hand, blue, Commander,"

"Right hand, blue--" Chakotay muttered as he tried to figure out just how, he was going to do that. The only blue circle within his reach was, um, in a very difficult spot.

"Would you hurry up, old man," Torres told him, "we can't stay this way all day."

"Okay, okay--" Chakotay groused as he hesitantly placed his hand on blue spot, accidently brushing the inside of his captain's thigh.

"Hey, watch the hands, mister," Janeway warned, yet her voice was filled with amusement as Chakotay muttered a half-hearted apology. A second later Neelix got her attention.

"Captain, left foot, yellow--"

"Now, just how the hell--" Janeway asked, speaking to no one in particular. Slowly, she lifted her foot where it rested next to Paris' head. Narrowly missing kicking the helmsman senseless. Then rolling just a bit to the right, crossing her legs so that her left big toe could just reach the yellow circle that was shadowed by Chakotay's bulk as he perched above her. The hand on blue circle was trapped. Their eyes met at the precise moment the doctor made his presence known.

"Interesting relaxation technique, Captain, perhaps you'd like to demonstrate it to the rest of the crew." The EMH called out in his typical acerbic manner.

Startled, all four contortionists lost their concentration and collapsed in a mangled heap. Loud groans ensued as the officers went about disengaging themselves. Janeway was the last, having been on the bottom of the pile. She just lay there for a moment, eyes tightly squeezed shut, refusing to acknowledge what had happened, until Chakotay leaned over her.

"You okay?"

Huffing hair out of her eyes, she met the first officer's gaze with a gleam, "If I could, I'd kill him," she muttered.

"You'll have stand in line, looks like B'Elanna's first."

Scrambling to her feet, Janeway challenged, "Uh uh, I'm the captain, I get first strike."

"Now, Lieutenant, Captain, please, I was just a bit taken aback by your choice of recreation." The Doctor stammered as he backed away from Torres' advance and the 'Look' on Janeway's face. Suddenly, the latter stopped and a large smile spread across her face.

"Let him go, B'Elanna--"

"But Cap--" Torres began until she saw the expression on the other woman's face. "Fine, but just remember, Doc, I 'know' your matrix. Inside and out."

"I understand," The EMH said solemnly with a nod. "Now, would one you explain."

"Captain, if I may," Seven offered as she came over, Harry Kim not far behind, making like a shadow. "Perhaps, if I demonstrate."

Janeway gave a nod of affirmation as the former Borg pulled the protesting EMH toward the grid. The senior officers watched, all in hysterics, the spectacle of a completely discombobulated hologram and an extremely agile woman playing an intense session of 'Twister'. Chakotay took the opportunity to whisper in Janeway's ear as he drew her away from the others.

"Maybe, we should try a different game, elsewhere."

"Just what did you have in mind?"

"Oh, I was thinking of maybe, 'Spin the Bottle' or perhaps, 'Hide and Seek'--"

"Why Commander, you read my mind."

Moments later Paris noticed the missing officers. He nudged B'Elanna, "Hey, what happened to the Captain and Chakotay?"

Torres smiled and shrugged, "Got me, all I heard was something about spinning a bottle. Whatever that means."

Paris grinned as he returned, "All depends on how you play the game."

End

_And let your imagination run free-- VBG _


End file.
